


Dissolve

by dandyqueen



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, big scary man who gets grossed out too easily, mentor is also kind of a big sister figure, wade wilson's general disposition
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-14 14:02:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15390303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandyqueen/pseuds/dandyqueen
Summary: If Negasonic had to describe this trainwreck of a situation in three words, it would be: kiss her already. It applies to herself and this weird yes/no thing she's got going on right now, and oddly enough, it applies to her eight-foot-tall, metallic giant of a mentor. Really, Colossus, this is getting ridiculous. Just kiss her already.





	1. Someone to Test Things On (Dissolve)

**Author's Note:**

> I rewrote this three times. I do a lot for the metal dick.

Negasonic was having a _great fucking day_ , as she usually did on Friday’s, when she got the super fun call that some little mutant kid on the other side of the city decided to pitch a bitch fit and flood three city blocks. Fridays at the mansion were quiet - no one wants to do bad things on a Friday. It's  _Friday_ , for goodness sake. Go on a date, take your kids to the park, go to a bar. Do something that's not blatantly criminal.

From the sound of the call, it looked like the mutant kid had broken out of the Ice Box on transfer. And no, the kid couldn’t have flooded the streets with clean sink water, or water from the pond in the park. You know, something simple and not-disgusting. That would have been too easy. No, the kid thought it would be funny to flush out the sewers and influence every septic tank within a mile radius to simultaneously explode. Nevermind how the kid had even gotten his collar off. Apparently no one had been able to figure that one out yet.

It’s not like Negasonic was going on a date tonight or anything.

She was already nervous, but she definitely wasn’t going to meet Yukio now, not if she was going to have to wade through sewage on the heels of her eight-foot-tall Man-of-Steel mentor who just had to make it a priority to talk to the kid _personally_ about _personal responsibility_. Can’t exactly have a fun date when you smell like literal shit, and some smells just don't come out after three consecutive showers.

Negasonic almost felt bad for the kid. She’d gotten the Personal Responsibility speech a handful of times (mostly because she sometimes couldn't turn off the sarcastic tone in her voice), and while she loved her mentor dearly (not that she would ever say it out loud), Colossus tended to get a little preachy after the first few sonnets of poetic justice. She _almost_ felt bad for the kid, before she remembered that she was going to be drudging through an ocean of shit to reach him because he just had to cause a scene. _On a Friday_.

Student and mentor stood at the edge of the poop lake, staring out into the street full of sewage was expressions of disgust that were oddly similar - the kind of similarity that only comes from lifelong familiarity. It was absolute bedlam; fire hydrants were gushing, manholes had been displaced from the sheer force of the gushing sewage, water was leaking out from under door frames. The unmistakable sound of scores of toilets flushing at the same time droned on under the honking of car alarms. Negasonic caught the sound of gentle retching coming from her mentor, who tried to hide the coughing behind his huge fist but failed. Poor guy could barely deal with the sight of blood, much less a lake of poop water.

“Can’t we get Wade to do this? He smells worse than this on a daily basis anyway,” Negasonic asked, hiding the smell-and-taste parts of her face behind her gloved hand. She practically had to yell to be heard.

“That is true, but unfortunately not. He - uh,” Colossus coughed again, wetly, then took a deeper breath than he really meant to, “he left for Japan on mission last night. Besides - this builds character.”

There was more of a question mark than a period on the end of that sentence. Even with all his teacherly conviction, Colossus didn’t really believe it.

“It’d be really helpful if one of us could fly…”

“Indeed,” Colossus replied, beckoning his student onward. “Come, Negasonic. The quicker we find the boy, the quicker we go home.”

It was, at that oddly opportune moment, a great time for a jet to drift in past the line of buildings. It hovered past the treetops and streetlamps and came to land in the little park quite near where they were standing. Technological marvel that it was, it hardly disturbed the grass as it landed, which was a blessing because it was disconcertingly close to the sewage. Negasonic was not often excited to see the X-Jet, but in this case, she would make an exception. Hopefully, it was someone coming to bail them out, because this whole situation was just… yikes.

The door of the jet came down, and Negasonic sent up a silent vibe of _thank fuck_ to whatever deity may have been listening.

The cleanup crew stepped out - a handful of X-men whose powers didn’t translate well in combat but had mission-worthy uses. There were ten or so of them - just a small faction responsible for cleaning up the areas around the mishaps that tended to befall the X-men. They were usually sent to take care of the aftermath of large-scale disasters. And out of that cleanup crew came one of the very few people on Negasonic’s _people-who-don’t-suck_ list (Wade and Colossus were both on it too, not that she’d ever tell them), Suraya Josephs, known as Metanite. If Negasonic actually wrote out her list of people-who-don’t-suck, Metanite would be at least pretty close to the top.

Negasonic was not easily intimidated. Her attitude came hand-in-hand with being an almost-adult teenager with too many responsibilities to handle. And yet, even Negasonic could admit that if Metanite were a complete stranger, she’d have to look the other way. Metanite’s defense form was a vaguely smudgy, jet-black humanoid with smoldering, empty eyes. She was difficult to look at, and consequently emanated a vibe of creeping terror.

But Metanite wasn’t a complete stranger, so Negasonic at least tried look.  _Tried_ being the operative word. Fuck, she looked creepy.

As the mutant woman stepped onto the grass, the overwhelming creeping dread set into Negasonic’s bones. Negasonic squirmed; she caught Colossus fidget out of the corner of her eye. It was the most gentle feeling of terror she’d ever experienced, like her heart might crawl out of her chest; it was a secondary effect of Metanite’s defense form, she’d been told, which made it difficult to assign the mutant woman to a team or a mentee. It was difficult for _anyone_ to look at her before she disengaged.

Metanite caught the uncomfortable stares and looked down at her hands. “Oh, I’m sorry, you two! Let me fix that. The rest of the crew is used to it.”

The feeling of dread ebbed as Metanite shifted into a human form; her usual smiling self was left standing where the smudgy humanoid had been. She strode on over, surveying the sewage disaster with a measure of disgust.

“You know, from the air this looks like a giant brown lake appeared in the middle of the city. It’s stretching, like, four blocks now” she said, grimacing at the smell. “We got pulled off of another scene on the outskirts of Atlanta to come back and take care of this.”

Negasonic caught Colossus fidgeting again out of the corner of her eye, but she was pretty certain it wasn’t because the big man was still retching from the smell. She held her hand over her nose, trying not to breathe through her mouth. "What's going on in Atlanta?"

"We're not really sure, but there's several human limbs left lying around. We found teeth embedded in a tree. It's quite morbid. We're thinking some people with regeneration factors got in a fight."

Negasonic would've liked to see that, actually. Nevertheless, she'd really like to get the current mess out of the way. “So, do we need to go find the kid?”

Metanite shrugged. “I would suggest letting us get this cleaned up before you bother, unless you just really want to wade through this mess.”

Negasonic would rather have every single one of her fingernails peeled off with a cheese grater than have to walk in this mess. She assumed that her mentor probably felt the same way.

Colossus, finally, spoke up. He folded his arms over his chest. “The boy will not get far, not with everyone watching for him.”

“Yeah, you’ve got all of us here,” Metanite said. “If we see happen to see him, I’ll handle him.”

Negasonic, personally, would not want to have to be handled by Metanite. She felt a little bad for the kid now. “He’d have to be around here somewhere if this is still spreading.”

Colossus nodded. “He is near. We will be watching for him as well.”

“Well, you’re welcome to take the jet. We’ll be here for a while,” Metanite replied. She handed him the access card for the jet. “I’ll call you when we’ve got this under control.”

“I look forward to your call,” Colossus said, taking the card from her. He looked as though he wished he’d worded that differently as soon as he’d said it. If Metanite noticed, she didn’t show it. “I - we do. _We_ look forward to your call. We will handle it.”

Negasonic fought back the ensuing snort. That was one of the least-subtle things she thought he'd ever said, and she'd seen him ignore his feelings for years now. Watching her mentor tiptoe around the woman he liked was excruciating, but she got a good laugh out of it. For such a business-minded man, he sure did get awkward quick.

Metanite grinned. “You always do. I’ll see you both in a little while.”

She headed off towards the group gathering at the edge of the mess. Some of her team looked human, some decidedly not. There were a couple of vibrantly-colored humanoids, a couple covered in fur, one with proboscis-like appendages attached to his head. They were all huddled together in a tight wad around a display screen, looking at something that Negasonic couldn’t see from her angle.

Metanite stopped abruptly and turned around before she reached the group. “By the way, you two, this is my last mission. I’ll be returning to the mansion as a teacher.”

She looked quite pointedly at Colossus before she turned around and ran off to join her team. Colossus followed her movements, mouth set in its usual hard line, but his eyes belied his hard face. He watched her retreating back with an almost doe-eyed stare, causing Negasonic to have to fight off another ensuing snort. Fuckin’ nerd. She - and the literally everyone else in the mansion - had been bothering him to say something for years, but he just wouldn't do it. Negasonic suspected it was because Metanite was pretty much never there, always off on some clean-up mission. 

And yeah, Negasonic could understand being wary about it. It's hard to have a relationship when one person is almost never home. But Colossus is Colossus, and if anyone could deal with that like a real adult, it would be him. If he'd ever say anything.

Colossus pulled himself out of his reverie and clapped Negasonic on the shoulder, causing her knees to shake. “We will wait for them to take care of this. Come, let’s get away from the smell.”

At least, Negasonic surmised, maybe she wouldn’t have to bleach her entire body before her date tonight. Someone else could trudge through that mess.


	2. A Delicate Reprieve (Drink You Sober)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is exposition, and scheming.

Negasonic’s date went  _ well _ . It wasn’t the kind of date where you stay the night, and everything is nice and warm and cuddly, and you get to walk-of-shame it back home. No, Yukio lives at the mansion, too. The date was in the kitchen, so it was pretty public. The only downside was that they couldn’t get the other residents of the mansion to stop walking through and peeking in (Colossus), but they did at least get to lock the playroom door and watch a movie.

Now, Negasonic just had to figure out what to do with herself for the rest of the weekend. Yukio left that morning to go on an assignment for a couple of days with her mentor, so Negasonic’s weekend was pretty free. That meant lots of time in front of the television, ignoring her own mentor when he tried to get her to come do the morning workout with him. It was her weekend off, so yeah, not happening. No physical activity.

Despite using every bit of determination within her body to remain in bed and asleep, Negasonic woke up early on that Saturday morning. She made the trek downstairs to the kitchen - still in her pajamas and sporting the most magnificent bedhead - with the intention of grabbing some cereal and going straight back up to her room. She wouldn’t be going back to sleep, but she could at least relax with her cereal for a while. 

To her surprise (and joy), she found Metanite at the kitchen counter when she walked in. Always a good sign.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!” Metanite said, beckoning her in. She was painfully cheerful in the mornings. Negasonic was pretty sure that she was actually made a sunshine. “Want pancakes?”

Negasonic yawned. “That sounds great.”

“And coffee?”

“Please.”

Negasonic had honestly forgotten that Metanite had come home last night. She hadn’t seen her for the rest of the evening, and she wasn’t one of the X-Men who kept wandering through the kitchen, so she’d let it slip her mind. Good thing Metanite was home, though; she always made the best breakfast.

Metanite poured two cups of coffee, one for Negasonic and one for herself. She handed Negasonic a cup, then turned to add sugar and milk to her coffee. “How was your date? I heard everyone kept trying to sneak in.”

“It was nice. Your boyfriend kept trying to supervise.”

“Not my boyfriend, but yeah, that sounds like him,” Metanite snorted, taking a sip of her coffee. It was still too hot, but the taste was just right. She poked Negasonic’s shoulder, laughing when the teen shrugged her off. “You’re still his widdle trainee, you know. He’s got to make sure you’re not up to no good.”

“I’m old enough now that I’m going to have to drop the ‘Teenage’ in my name pretty soon,” Negasonic said, cracking a smile. “Besides, what kind of trouble could we cause in this  _ daycare _ ?”

“You’d be surprised what some of the X-Men used to get up to.”

“Kind of want to know, kind of don’t.”

“You really don’t. My room used to be next to Beast’s,” Metanite said, staring down into her coffee. “I know more about than man than I ever wanted to.”

“Jesus.”

“Jesus was definitely not in that room sometimes…”

“So, when are you gonna tell Colossus?” Negasonic asked, sipping her morning coffee. She'd slipped a ton of sugar into the cup when Metanite wasn't looking (she told everyone that she liked black coffee - had to keep up appearances). “You know, make an honest man out of the giant boy scout?

Meta flipped a stack of pancakes onto a plate and slid the plate in front of Negasonic. “I'm still waiting to see if he'll say something first. It's kind of a game now.”

Negasonic accepted the plate of pancakes happily. God, she loved when Metanite was home. “You know there's a betting pool, right? Some people are betting down to the day.”

“Yeah, I’ve already got my bet placed.”

“What?” Negasonic said, grinning. She reached for the syrup with the intention of drowning her breakfast in it. Colossus wasn’t here to bother her about her dietary choices, so she was taking  _ full  _ advantage of the Mrs. Butterworth. She poured an ungodly amount of syrup on her pancakes, then topped it off with butter. 

Metanite sipped her coffee. “Yep. I'm the last slot.”

“What are you going to do if it passes your name?”

“Well, stipulations state that if he hasn't said anything by June, I have to tell him, and I still get the money.”

“I bet on May…”

Metanite laughed, and began attacking her own pancakes. “I bet you did.”

“Couldn’t resist,” Negasonic said, mouth full of syrup and sweets. Colossus also wasn’t around to bother her about manners, either.

“I fully expect you to pull something sneaky that month.”

“Yukio bet on April, so really, we’ll be working on it for two months.”

Planning would begin immediately, Negasonic decided. She would clue Yukio in as soon as she got back from her assignment with her mentor. It would be a fun date project, playing matchmaker and being sneaky. Besides, she was always down to find something to distract Colossus from morning workouts. This would probably help.

And, you know, Negasonic wanted Colossus to be happy, too. She really did like her mentor.

Metanite was about halfway through her stack of pancakes, probably because she wasn’t scheming. “Good to know. Luckily for you, this isn’t the kind of bet where I’d try to stop you just so I could win.”

“Not like you need the money anyway.”

Metanite shrugged, mouth full of pancake. “No, the benefit of never being home is that you can’t spend any money.”

“Look on the bright side: now that you’re home permanently, the big guy might finally admit it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Especially now that he has to teach me to be a teacher.”

“Oh, really?” Negasonic asked, the cogs of her brain turning. Scheming. “Colossus is your mentor, now?”

“Yeah, he’s stuck with me.”

“Well, it looks like you’ll be getting some alone time… Yukio and I will make sure you’re not interrupted.”

“Your definition of ‘alone time’ needs some work. He’ll be babysitting and I’ll be learning how to train whoever my mentee is, if I can even be assigned a mentee, and probably dragging you around everywhere with me.”

“I can take care of any distractions.”

“You know, I’m almost tempted to see what you two can come up with. Tomorrow is the beginning of April, after all…”

“Is that a challenge?”

Metanite winked at her, swallowing the last bit of her breakfast. “More like an assignment… My first assignment given as a teacher.”

“We’ll make sure to turn it in as early as possible.”

“Good girl. Now finish your pancakes before the Tinman comes downstairs and catches us conspiring.”

* * *

Metanite was glad to finally be home for good. She could count on one hand the number of times in the past ten years that she had been home for more than, maybe, a month at most. Her team was always cleaning up someone else’s mess, and there were definitely a lot of messes where the X-Men were concerned. And not just the X-Men; her team cleaned up behind everyone else, too. The Avengers had been particular pain-in-the-asses the past few years. (The Fantastic Four had been oddly quiet as of late…)

Needless to say, she was happy to be home. She liked to call it a very special form of retirement.

Her duties would now include: (1) Changing diapers. (2) Wiping snotty noses. And (3) handling teen angst.

She’d cleaned up bigger messes before.

The main thing that she was concerned about was whether she would get her own mentee. She knew that she’d be co-teaching a couple of classrooms at first with Colossus, but there was no word yet on whether she was going to be specially assigned anyone. In fact, she was interested to know if anyone  _ could _ be assigned to her.

In any case, her first task for the day was to go down to the field and join Colossus for the morning workout. She mentioned it to Negasonic before she’d gone back upstairs to her room, and all the teenager could do was cackle. Metanite was pretty sure she’d never heard Negasonic laugh like that.

She hadn’t been worried about it before breakfast, but now she was just a little bit concerned what this workout was going to be like.

Metanite stood out on the field waiting for Colossus. It was just late enough in the morning for the summer heat to really start beating down, and she was already sweating. Yeah, Colossus had told her to wear her X-men uniform to morning workout, but it was almost a hundred degrees outside, and Metanite didn’t do well in the heat. Comes with the territory of being smudgy, jet-black, and reptilian while in defense form. So she’d worn some old gym shorts and a t-shirt that she was  _ pretty sure _ wasn’t actually hers, but she’d washed it so it didn’t matter.

Colossus finally strode out onto the field, fully clad in his uniform. Metanite had gotten there a bit too early, particularly if she’d beaten Colossus out onto the field.

Metanite shielded her eyes against the sun. She was hard to look at in defense mode, but Colossus was hard to look at in the  _ sun _ . Even with sunglasses on, she had to made sure not to look at his glinting silver skin for too long, which was a  _ terrible _ tragedy as far as she was concerned. Staring at his biceps was one of her favorite hobbies.

She squinted at him, hand over her eyes. “So, gonna teach me how to be a teacher, big guy?”

Colossus nodded. “That is the idea for the next few weeks.”

“Gotta make sure I’m not leading any of the impressionable youth astray?”

He smirked. “You will be a great teacher. I just have to show you basics.”

A trickle of sweat trailed down her back and slipped down into her underwear. “Any reason you can’t show me the basics inside a classroom rather than out here on the field?”

Colossus’s grin was just about as sadistic as he could manage, which was impressive because he’s generally a giant boy scout. “You have to do morning workout, too.”

Colossus walked over to the middle of the field, Metanite talking behind him, where stacks and stacks of  _ stuff _ were thrown haphazardly to one side. Most of it looked too light for him to even bother using. Most of it looked  _ just right _ to be a significant form of physical torture for Metanite. A looping dirt track surrounded them on all sides.

“I hope we’re not doing cardio.” She stared warily at the dirt track surrounding the stacks. “Have you ever seen me run? There are several reasons why I’m part of the clean-up crew, and cardio one of them.”

“No running,” Colossus replied, gesturing at the multitude of  _ stuff _ littering the field. There were an awful lot of chains and tires lying around. Too many medicine balls. Too many kettlebells. “Weights.”

Metanite nodded. She couldn’t very well chicken out. “Weights… I think I can handle weights.

Spoiler alert: She could not handle the weights.

She was not trained for the type of workout that Colossus was used to doing. She didn’t  _ run _ or  _ lift _ heavy things on a regular basis. She rarely had to do more than move around at a brisk walk, much less throw shit around or punch people. Her skill set wasn’t exactly equipped for action-packed adventures.

One thing was for certain: she was going to be sore.

Metanite’s cheek rubbed the soft green grass that one of the plant-kids lovingly grew out on the field for them. There were several upended tires - her small car tires, Colossus’s tractor tires - littered around her prone body like sentinels in a graveyard. Colossus stood over her like the undertaker.

“Why do you hate me?”

“Far from it, my friend,” Colossus said and held out his hand to lift her up. “You must always do workout with your trainee. Better for morale.”

“I haven’t done a workout like that since  _ I _ was a trainee. Did you do this with Negasonic?”

Colossus looked almost offended by her question. “Of course I did, Suraya! I would not teach you what I didn’t do myself.”

“Fair enough.” 

Metanite took his hand and let him lift her to her feet. She felt - and probably looked - rather like a small kitten being picked up like that. Her legs shook as they trekked back over towards the mansion, every step sending stabbing pain up through her legs. Being hit by a car would have been kinder than throwing car tires and swinging chains around. 

Colossus seemed to take pity on her, though. “Go shower. I’ll make lunch.”

“My angel.”

Metanite could have sworn she saw Colossus smile at that.  She watched him walk into the house ahead of her, enjoying the way his muscles stretched every time he took a step. She’d come to the realization that this was going to be a  _ long _ three months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is Drink You Sober by Bitter:Sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> Work/Chapter Title - Dissolve by Absofacto
> 
> The sections will get longer, the awkwardness more cringey, the overbearing fluff will ensure, and balls to the wall smut to come.


End file.
